Where is my beanie?
Where is my beanie? Where the heck is it?
Has anybody seen my stupid grey beanie?!
My toddler shakes her head. My dog simply barks.
In terms of unhelpfulness, they both get top marks.
I look in my wardrobe. I check under the bed.
After six laps around the house, it’s nowhere to be seen.
I leave a message for my husband, telling him I’m stressed.
Without my beloved grey beanie, I’m not fully dressed.
I wondered if he’d seen it somewhere I hadn’t looked.
Where the bloody hell is that beanie? Why is this so hard?
Before you ask…No. I do not own other beanies.
My purchasing is minimal to keep my environmental footprint teeny.
Is this what I get in return for trying to be a greenie?
Beanie, if you’re hiding ‘cause you’re scared of my current mood,
I wouldn’t blame you; I’m royally pissed.
Toddler and dog, stop staring and assist!
Ah! There you are you ridiculous thing,
I looked everywhere for you!
How did you scuttle from my side of the wardrobe,
to the the other side of the globe?
Turns out, it somehow ended up on my husbands side
of the wardrobe that we share, where I didn’t bother to look.
He returned my call saying he put it there, “so that it had a spot,”
IT’S SPOT IS WHERE I PUT IT LAST! “No, it’s really not.”
He was just being kind to me by putting it away.
Still I don’t get why he wouldn’t choose my side for its ‘spot.’
Finally, in my greasy-haired world, all was suddenly well.
Until I realised I was holding on to a myth I had to dispel.
The reason I got so flustered to the point of not wanting to leave
without my beanie was to do with being insecure.
What would the greengrocer cashier think if I showed up like this?
With regard to my oily hair, their ignorance is bliss.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and looking back I think,
what an idiot I was to worry about what cashiers thought of me.
Though they’re staffing the checkout, their jobs are not to check me out.
I don’t want this kind of trepidation just for stepping out.
I’ve spent far too much of my life, concerned about others’ perceptions.
I want things to be different now and that is all on me.
Who gives a crap about others’ inward reactions to my unkempt hair,
It’s got nothing to do with anything. Even if they actually cared.
I finally shove the darn thing on my head, for warmth and not for flair,
though there’s nothing wrong with looking good, I don’t need to look like Beyoncé
for a five minute trip to the shops or a five hour spree for that matter.
And if Beyoncé cares for the environment, she’d do well to avoid the latter.
(With or without a fabulous beanie)