Today, I've become a pile of compost;
thrown away and kind of lost.
losing my mind from counting the cost,
pointlessly warming myself despite Winter's frost.
I know I'm not abandoned or forsaken
but I am feeling a little unhinged and shaken.
I wonder if I've been snatched; illegally taken.
I want to wake up and realise I'm mistaken.
Though there is heat, it doesn't feel warm.
I may as well expose myself to the storm;
feel the hail hit my skin, chisel me into new form;
shatter every perception, challenge every norm.
I'm decomposing, faster than I expected, into the cold ground,
waiting, impatiently, for answers to be found.
It's worse at night when I lie in bed and hear my frustrated heart pound.
When all is silent, it's only my mind that noisily makes sounds.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want anything from you.
On top of it all, I want you to tell me if my morbid thoughts are true.
And though I certainly want to end up being one of the few,
I worry that the narrow gate will involve something I rue.
But you've been there for me in every rough spot, all throughout my life,
supporting me like no one else when hardship has been rife.
You've never given me reason to regret sitting in your pocket like a knife,
even though you don't carry knives; you fight with love through strife.
I'll trust you to make things clear to me when I'm ready to know.
No matter the forces that push and pull, you'll never let me go.
You're always there to comfort me when I face things that blow,
From grieving loss or rejection to stubbing my friggen toe.
So take me as the compost I am, in my stinky state.
You're the only one I know who from nothing, can create.
With my fertilising properties, help me to do something great
for someone else who's feeling stinky and needs a kind thing from a mate.